anal sex

Let me just get this out as quickly as I can. On September 11th, 2006, which was just four days ago, I had anal sex for the first time. I know. It's silly. I'm 22 years old, and I never got fucked?

Part of it's because anal sex seems like such a big deal.

The other part, however, I had forgotten all about, five years ago. After those planes, it was very heady time. Everyone wanted to give blood.

I was one of those. After a few months, probably in a December, I went to sign up for giving blood at Red Cross. In the Questionnaire, I answered that I didn't engage in sexual contact with a man.

When I did try to give blood, it didn't work. The nurse couldn't find my vein. I was too thin, and too dehydrated.

So I vowed that I would give blood again, but it would have to be bounded up with a vow of almost-celibacy.

Now, I know that Red Cross is out-of-date, full of old prejudices based on understandings of HIV from 20 years ago, the fear that a single anal sex would be very contaminating, the fear that HIV could not be detected at all, the fear that only gay men had sex, and straights don't get HIV.

But at that time, I was quite ignorant. So for five years, even as the memory faded away, I was still avoiding sex, getting blow jobs, but not initiating or doing anything.

But for five years, I didn't give blood. What the hell? I had been meaning to get a little more bulk, change my water drinking habit, and making time for it.

So basically, I abstained from possibility of sex and possibility of blood-letting? It's non-sensical, I know. I don't know whether blood-giving was that strong a obstacle, now that I think about it.

But it was something that, when I got together with a guy for the first time, unattractive at that, giving me a blow job, I felt betrayed. I didn't like it, and didn't like myself for it.

After I got fucked, I wasn't thinking about it at all. I just knew before and after, that I wanted it, that I should get it over with, no expectations asked. I would do it with the next hot guy I see, I would be strict about it. I wouldn't succumb to someone I didn't really feel attracted to.

And he was very hot. And big, too. I thought, him being an inch shorter than I am, but he was -- oh, wow -- so cute. I knew that it must be him, I hoped that it would be him. And on that day, after school, around 1:30, he called me. I asked to text. He couldn't get a text. We IM'ed each other. I went to his house.

Soon, we touched each other. Stared at each other. smile, touch, stare, in anxiety looking in each other's eyes. i took his shirt off, he took off mine. we kissed. we went into his bed. we took off our pants. i explored him. he explored me. discovery. and i enjoyed his, enjoyed my tongue over him and his cock.

after some time, with this foreplay ongoing, he spoke, i lip-read, and i understood, and i kept quiet, and told him to do it. and he pulled open the cabinet, to get out that lube and condom.

the first entrance was hard and hurting. i asked him to take it out before putting it back in, to let me recover. and he pushed it in. and it was a mixture of discomfort, and enjoyment. but he went so deep, we were doggie style, he went in, and pushed against that 90 degree turn -- i still don't know the name for it -- and i felt it was like trying to come out. again and again, and i was think, whoa.

When it was done, and I left his place. I went home to consider what I had done. And the long forgotten conviction bubbled up. I knew that it was a silly belief that I shouldn't have sex simply because I want to give blood, and the fact that I haven't given blood is a poor thing.

Maybe I will still give blood, sometime this october, but i will have to lie on that application. "No, I did not have sex with a man."

Gah, I could put more eloquence in it. Hmm.