to consider

Four years ago, someone I didn't know who went to a high school in Fremont wrote a blog that is still there, writing about being an alumnus as having a foreign sense to him.

Now, he is on Xanga saying "alumni" has a certain ring to it. It's amazing how people change after four years. With blogs being the primary ways to get at the sense of people's retrospection that rarely happen in the hurly-burly spontaneity of conversation, I really am humbled.

To me, being a good writer used to be grammatical correctness and subject-verb agreement. Now, it's having that spark of insight that few people get, least of all me. The classes that I've taken so far either haven't warrantize my skills, or I have been too lazy to make an effort. That would be what I most regret, that before class, I make a plan to do better, and when class starts, I do something else, and do worse. And after class, I lament the opportunities I wasted, while excusing myself because "it's always clearer in retrospect."

But who can teach me to think with foresight? I must learn it on my own. With a last semester upcoming, I might as well give it my all. But I think of myself as a somewhat average, and less than brainy. Knowledge I can possess, but cannot process. Who can piece together different concepts so easily, or juggle them? I can only helplessly watch while other students in class offer their opinions that are so much better or far ahead of mine.

And the questions they ask. My goodness, I felt embarrassed that my questions were so basic.

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